Hey
look at the time, it's tomorrow already. Time for Nottingham! What's
that? It's been a month? Well check your privilege nerd, some of us
don't have the luxury of 24 hours every day. Sheesh. Saying
that, it has now been quite a while since I actually went on that
journey that included Nottingham station. In fact, I've already been
on a different train adventure since then, but since I live here now,
it's not surprising Nottingham came up again. Here's a photo of the
platform. Platform 3a to be precise:
But
who cares. It's not a remarkable platform. None of them were. I
checked. Since I mentioned it earlier, now is a good a time as ever
to spill the beans on the story of the first trip that will serve as
inspiration for the first entries into this here almighty almanac. I
was back to Nottingham university from my home near Dorridge, thus
Dorridge was my first station. It wasn't a single journey oh no.
First I took the Chiltern Line from Dorridge to Birmingham Moor
Street, walked over to Grand Central New Street (popping into both
Costa and Waterstones on the way) and then got the wrong train, kind
of. You see New street station's platforms are split into A and B
each, and evidently I got the wrong one, because I ended up on a
train that did in fact go to Nottingham, but via Derby. So I ended up
stuck in Derby station for an hour and a half. That's when I thought
to myself; “you know what, this is a shite station isn't it.
Dorridge is much better. I bet nobody could come to that conclusion by
themselves; as the administrator of a successful and influential
internet text blog, I have a duty
to tell the lowly plebeians about the quality of these two stations.
In fact, why not all
the train stations. Yes I must take up this mantle. I must fulfil my
duty as the direct ancestor of Mr T. Station, inventor of the train
station. My destiny awaits me.”
And
so I made this, the comprehensive great grand almanac of train
stations by me, [name redacted]. Hope you like it. Remember to
fucking like, comment and suicide. Donate to my Patreon at
http://bit.ly/2ARsMxE. Kill me
baby. Kill your baby. Kill god and steal his throne. Die in a hole,
hole in one, one for all, all for me. Thank you.
Nottingham
stations pretty decent actually. It has a fucky mix of old and new,
with the framework of the old station still standing, but this time
they actually gave it a roof. Like wtf, did it just not have one
before. Here, look at this photo of the main lobby:
Did
Victorians just like to be rained on then? And they were meant to be
good at inventing stuff. Here's a different pleasing photo I took:
I
call it, symmetrical ATMs
on both sides of the clock tower entrance. There
are symmetrical ATMs on both sides of the entrance under the clock
tower. This way two individuals can withdraw cash simultaneously. But
yet, there is not even a single person doing that. What does it mean?
Very deep. A commentary on society's gradual disengagement and
awakening to the true nature of the world in which they live? A
satirical mocking of modern corporations' seemingly constant
unashamed advertising, patronising its customers to no end? Or maybe
they were both out-of-order? Who knows. I know. They weren't. The
photo probably would've been better if those people weren't standing
in shot. What was I going to do though? Ask them to move out the way?
That's ridiculous. I'm British.
One
cool aspect about Nottingham station is that it's directly connected
into the city tram line. As in you can climb some stairs onto a ramp
way that goes over the top of the rails, and straight to the tram
stop. It's actually pretty cool. Now I'm a bumpkin so this is about
as close as I've ever felt to being a city boy. Trams? What is this,
freaking Coruscant? If God had intended us to take trams everywhere
he would've given us built in oyster cards instead of legs. Ooah I'm
pleased with that gag. Yes, very good. Here's a shot from on top of
the tram ramp, looking across the entire station complex:
Well
at the time I thought that this was a really good photo, I was well
chuffed; but now I'm looking at it again, it just isn't. It's blurry,
there's no real focus, there are weird light reflections all over the
place. Hmm not my finest work. I'll blame the shitty camera lens. It
would've been perfect if I'd had my proper snapper. I would try to
explain what's in this photo but honestly I'm not sure. I've never
been to the area the other side of the station, but I assume that
pointy tower is some kind of church? And the chimney is presumably
connected to some industrial thingy. Your guess is as good as mine.
I
rate Nottingham good. Robin hood would be pleased. Except he didn't
really live here, he lived a good 25 miles North in Sherwood, but
antidigressionally I can say he'd really like it here. Yeah, you
should come here. Nottingham as a city is really nice too. Although
don't hype yourself up too much for the castle, think soggy-bottomed
fried bread rather than a full English breakfast. Also it's just
called fried bread, not French toast goddamnit. Screw the Frenchies,
1415 for life.
Here's
a poll that you're not allowed to vote on, should I do Birmingham
Moor Street or Birmingham New Street next? I don't care what you
think. Democracy's for yellow bellies and cuckolds. Maybe I'll do a
double station spectacular! Maybe this time it won't take me a whole
month! Find out next time in: The Grandiose Expeditionary
Stori of Iklone the Wise in a Cautionary Tale: Great Railways and
Where to Find Them, the Almanac!