Almost everyday while
in the shower I come up with an array of insane, inane and disturbingly awful
ideas for some form of narrative story. I have habitually and systematically come to the
self-agreement that the idea is too ungrounded, sociopathic or even
boring to take anywhere further that a mind fart, all by the time I step out the bathroom.
As such, up to this point I have turned precisely zero ideas into real, cohesive, tangible novels (other media forms are available). I will occasionally stumble across one that I
particularly like, scribble down a hundred ideas all at once into a .txt file and then spend hours deliberating the details of the story,
and exactly how this master plan of mine will make me rich. By the
time the morning hits, I have realised that my story is barely even
worth my own thought time, never mind anyone else's. Of course, the real
reason is that I just can't be bothered to actual see a large scale
project all the way to the end, because by far the most exciting
stage is coming up with zany ideas and being carried away with the
sensation that you obtain, as you have always known, an intellect that
rivals even Aristophles* or other smart sounding people. So forever
these ideas stay perpetually as a few kilobytes of txt file rotting in my hard
drive, to be occasionally read and either promptly deleted or laughed
at by the oh-so smart me of 6 months time. *Not a guy.
Well this shit don't
sit right with me. I don't like having these ideas for cool stories;
which, at least for a few delirious hours, I had thought were
destined to be the next Macbeth, just to watch them slowly die in a closed-system cyber-hell
of ideas without hope of escape. However, I also know that I am in fact a lazy shit who
ain't writing no real novel any time soon, I have more important stuff to do like
[insert thing I do here]. So I have devised a plan to appease my morality while not actually having to do any hard graft. As soon as I have
these ideas I will leap out of the shower and onto the internet where I'll type
that shit into a semi-prose, semi-blog style post where I can at
least put these ideas somewhere that it is possible for someone to
read, I'm talking to you, that one guy who consistently views every
post I make and lives in the UK. I know you, Blogger has a cool
stalking feature where I can view the viewing activity for specific
IPs. Hide your fucking cat, I'mma coming for it. Anyhows, this series
of posts will be as regular as anything else, but I'll at least try
to keep it going for a while. And don't worry, it'll still be written
in a completely esoteric (I actually looked up the definition of that
word finally) and incomprehensible format beloved by all my doting fan. That way nobody will ever
dare steal my amazing intellectual property and I don't even need to
sell my soul to the Illuminati for a patent or however that works.
Post Scriptum:
I originally came up
with this idea on the final carriage of a train of thought that
originally started in itself as a stupid story idea, evolving into a
autopsychoanalysis and eventual inevitable post-existential paradigm
flip were I realised that if I do a small amount of work, I can avoid
feeling guilty about not having done a large amount of work. Perfect. But
writing this right now I've already gone over the tipping point and my original story idea is incarcerated in a cringe
containment cell somewhere near my mid-frontal hippocampus. Oh well.
I'll be sure to catch the next idea before I realise its potential
for mass crimes against the collective human conscience and apprehend it for what it really is, a form of incidental psychological warfare that was rightly banned by the UN constitution decades ago. (Lol kidding the UN is a piece of bureaucratic dung that deserves a good flinging.)
Post Post Scriptum:
I wrote the entire of
that post scriptum without even looking at a thesaurus, I think I am
becoming the pretentious post-philosophic twat that I parody and
laugh at so much but not-so-secretly admire.
Post³ Scriptum:
That previous paragraph
was actually a lie, I had to look up a different way to say “epilogue” for the subtitle. I never knew that PS stood for Post Scriptum before, huh.
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